Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)by Mindy Kaling
This book is: Awesome.
Other elements:  Humor. Being a woman, being yourself. Life.Read it:  If you admire smart, sane women who have smart, sane things to say about life.
Overall rating: 9.5/10

I think generally it’s kind of dumb to read books by celebrities. They’re just going to tell me that they’re just naturally skinny, that everything is easy, and that they’re a real person just like me. At best, they’re mediocre biographies written by ghost writers who deserve better jobs. Right?

This is what I always assumed. That’s why I had no intention of reading Mindy Kaling’s book when I first heard about it. Especially because all I knew about her is that she’s associated with The Office in some way – which is a show I saw 15 mins of once and vaguely disliked.

Then I encountered an excerpt online, and it made me think.

Now, a collection of random quotes:

“What I’ve noticed is that almost no one who was a big star in high school is also a big star later in life. For us overlooked kids, it’s just so wonderfully fair.” – Page 31

“We clung to each other with blind loyalty, like Lord Voldemort and his snake Nagini. I, of course, was Nagini. If you messed with one of us, you knew you messed with both of us, and Voldemort was going to cast a murder spell on you, or Nagini was going to chomp on your jugular.” – On best friends. Page 48.

“Your boyfriend is never going to tell you that your skirt is too tight and riding up too high on you. In fact, you shouldn’t even have asked him, poor guy. He wants to have sex with you no matter how pudgy you are.” – Page 81

“When a beautiful actress is in a movie, executives wrack their brains to find some kind of flaw in her that allows her to be palatable. She can’t be overweight or not perfect-looking, because who wants to see that? A not 100-percent-perfect-looking-in-every-way female? You might as well film a dead squid decaying on a beach for two hours.
So they make her a Klutz.
They 100-percent-perfect-looking-in-every-way female is perfect in every way, except that she constantly falls down. She bonks her head on things. She trips and falls and spills soup on her affable date. … Despite being five foot nine and weighing 110 pounds, she is basically like a drunk buffalo who has never been a part of human society.” – On the types of women you see in movies. Page 100.

“For the record, I’m a size eight (this week, anyway). Many stylists hate that size, because I think, to them, it shows that I lack the discipline to be an ascetic or the confident sassy abandon to be a total fatty hedonist. They’re like: pick a lane!” – Page 192.

In conclusion: Mindy Kaling, if you ever see this review, can we please hang out?

The Man with the Golden Torc by Simon R. Green.

This book is: silly.
Other elements: urban fantasy, magic, adventure, saving-the-world, conspiracy theories, humor.
Read it: if you have the right sense of humor (do you enjoy Terry Pratchett? Monty Python?).
Overall rating: 7.25/10

You always know what you’re signing up for with Simon Green. Action, adventure, puns, blood, gore, colorful descriptions, literary references, almost-corny jokes. He is a witty and clever writer who enjoys being witty and clever. He’s very creative, and he goes all out. This is a silly book, but I mean that in the best way.

Simon Green is not afraid of going over the top. He loves the top. If you don’t like his writing, I suspect you’ll hate this book right away.

I wasn’t sold on this book for the first 10 pages or so. The James Bond references were too on-the-nose and the hero’s magical armor was too shiny and impenetrable. An indestructible hero is really boring. Thankfully, Green solved that really quickly with some violent elves and a mysterious, golden-armor-penetrating metal from another dimension. (There was also a UFO and living, cannibalistic cars.) I think you’re getting a sense of the book already.

The universe is the same as our own, except full of magical things that ordinary humans don’t notice. I enjoy that as a starting point. The main character is a member of the infamous Drood family, vigilantes who keep balance in the world with the power of their golden armor. Except, as the hero soon discovers, it may be more complicated than it appears. Expect many kinds of magical creatures, a sex robot, extreme piercings, plentiful violence, spiders and an unexpected romance along the way.

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I liked this book too much to give any spoilers. I think the author did such a good job that no one deserves to tell the story except for her.

My sister will tell you, I can’t watch a crime show (or anything, really) without needing to figure everything out before I’m supposed to. It’s like winning. But actually, my favorite is when the story beats me, when I can’t figure it out. This book beat me. If you had asked me every 50 pages to predict the end of the book, I would have given you a lot of different answers and not been right once. That’s not to say the ending came out of the blue, or was illogical – it works perfectly. I just didn’t see it coming.

On the negative side, it’s possible this story went a little bit over the top. It’s elaborate, complicated, and does not shy away from dramatic plot twists. But there’s nothing wrong with being dramatic, as long as you do it well.

I think the strongest part of this book was the characters. I can’t think of a single character who wasn’t fully formed. They all had quirks, they all had agendas, they all had thoughts. They were craggy and sweaty and didn’t want to tell you their secrets. I hated some and loved others, but they all felt like people. I was also totally freaked out by the one I identified with the most, but that’s something we can talk about after you’ve read the book.

Blogger’s note: I wrote this review minutes after finishing the book. As time passes, I’ve realized I find certain plot elements less believable than I did at first. But I was so caught up in the story as I read it that it took me a couple of weeks to realize I was 93% convinced rather than 100% convinced. Gone Girl is a fun read and I recommend it if the genre appeals to you.

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