I need to tell you something before 2018 ends: I’m sick. I’ve been sick all year.
I don’t have a diagnosis, but something is wrong. I’ve shared bits and pieces – a blog post about my heart arrhythmia; a nebulizer selfie; occasional Instagram stories asking for advice on chronic costochondritis – but there’s been more going on behind the scenes.
My body hurts every day and I’m tired and it’s scary. But it’s also lonely, and I decided that I wanted you to know. Public Becky and Private Becky have become too far apart and I needed to unite them again.
I’ve wanted to tell you what’s been going on, my dear readers, but I haven’t known what to say.
I’ve been lucky enough to have a lot of incredible experiences this year anyway, for which I am grateful beyond my ability to articulate. I had a lot of days when I felt great and even more days when I didn’t feel well but did things anyway, and I’m proud of myself for that.
I managed to cover the AGTA GemFair in Tucson and the Original Miami Beach Antique show, even though that was literally the week my heart forgot how to do its job. I made it through Vegas jewelry week, even thought that was the point of no return in my costochondritis (too much weird bending for jewelry photos! Who knew this job was physically demanding?).
I made it to Greece, a lifelong dream, and to Italy, even though it took pain meds and buckets and buckets of hotel ice (and my trusty travel ice packs) to keep me going. I was Maid of Honor in my little sister’s wedding, something I wouldn’t have given up for the world. I tried on Marie Antoinette’s jewelry, something I’ll never forget, even though I had to make a special appointment with my physical therapist to figure out how I was going to make it through 5 hours on a bus. I had the pleasure of meeting many of you, even though I wasn’t feeling well enough to go to industry cocktail parties or dinners most of the time.
I also created content I loved, working alongside incredible clients, and made almost all of my deadlines, even during the weeks when I was barely sleeping.
None of it would have been possible without my family, most especially the saintlike Mr. DitL, who traveled the world with me when I was in too much pain to lift even a carry-on bag and who has done every load of laundry that’s happened in our house since May. “In sickness and in health” has become very real, and he’s been there for me in every possible way.
I can’t believe I’ve been sick for a whole year, but I also know that in the world of chronic illness and chronic pain, I’m an ubernewbie. I’ve never had more respect and awe for my friends with chronic health challenges. I don’t know how you do this all the time for years on end.
I don’t know what’s going to happen next, and I also don’t know how much of my health situation I’m going to continue wanting to share publicly, but writing this feels important right now so it’s what’s happening.
I’m going to give myself a Winter Break for the next few weeks, but I’ll be back. Hopefully the new year will bring better health, or at least some answers.
Thanks for listening and thank you, as always, for joining me here on the crazy adventure that is Diamonds in the Library. I’ll see you in 2019.